Shape The Life You Want: The "Invisible Architecture" of Habits
As a young child, I adored the handmade chart my mother created to remind my sisters and me to make our beds. At the end of a winding, paper road, she drew colorful ice cream cones. Oh, they called to me! We definitely earned those cones, but it was the pleasure of notching those little boxes, steadily working towards a goal, that stuck with me.
“Habits are like the invisible architecture of daily life — research suggests that about 40 percent of our existence is shaped by our habits,” writes Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before, on her blog.
I think of habits as a gateway to achieving larger goals, like oral health by brushing teeth daily. One of my life goals is starting an annual family backpacking trip. If I break this idea into stairsteps, I can accomplish small pieces now. Tacking a hike onto our Friday schedule flexes the same backpacking muscles, and it’s a trackable step leading to my overall goal. I’ve taped a mileage chart to the refrigerator, so we can tally the growing distance.
The only way to acquire a new habit is to start. What helps you sustain momentum? For some people, it’s tangible rewards; for others, ticking a box will do. Fast forward 30 years, I still revert to the chart system my mother introduced. To begin your new habit, follow these three steps:
TRACK IT
Having the ability to check progress quickly in a format that motivates you is key, whether you craft a chart or use technology to support your goals.
I’m currently tracking three habits with Streaks2, an app on my phone, where I check boxes and earn a gold star if I complete my daily tasks. It is rewarding to watch gold stars align in my calendar. I’m currently under the spell of (1) five o’clock wake-ups. After (2) yoga stretches, I (3) write until my son appears at my elbow, rumpled and darling, to ask for food.
Originally, I had only the 5 a.m. goal — I hoped to write in the quiet. After two weeks of dutiful waking, the writing still came slow. Turns out my brain awakens sluggish and plodding. I added yoga stretches, and the energy and blood flow worked! These three elements evolved together in a way that promotes long-term success.
DEDICATE SPACE
Grow a new habit by tucking it into a specific window of time. Having a distinct and logical place makes it easier to remember and repeat. For instance, I walk the dog when my husband gets into the shower each morning. He waves, bleary-eyed, and I put my shoes on. This gives me a 30-minute window where he’s available to assist the kids if they need anything, and it doesn’t require him to change his routine.
Most habits have an obvious place where they fit, either daily or weekly. Take a few minutes to reorganize your time and create the right space for the habit you’re building.
ADJUST AND REFINE
I review my habits regularly, partly because my kids build theirs based on my example. My early wakeup is dedicated to writing. When I got up early and the kitchen wasn’t clean, I’d end up tidying instead of writing.
My kids used to fall apart after dinner, which we hold until their dad arrives from work. So, I spent after-dinner minutes snuggled on the couch with an exhausted child, reading stories. Now my kiddos are feeding pets and prepping for bed without my steadying hand. Dynamics have shifted. I thought, “Why not start the day with a super clean kitchen?”
Now, kitchen clean, we often play a game on the table in our PJs before cuddling into bed. I’ve wrangled both family bonding time and supported my morning writing habit with one change.
Coddle your new habit, the way you’d gently support a potty-training puppy. Turn that sweet, encouraging voice on yourself, and fix the problem.
Perhaps I’ll reach a golden age where awareness and focus merge into contentedness, and then I’ll rest. I watch my parents for signs. For now, I channel that motivation into building habits to make life easier, more pleasing and focused on where I’d like to go. You do the same.
Originally published in the Summer 2020 issue of SPOKE+BLOSSOM